Knotty Purls

"Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica"

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


Cost of dog: $100
Cost of grooming dog: $75
Cost of Advil from headache caused by dog’s antics: $15
Cost of this: Priceless

Last week I mentioned to Big Boy that he should get rid of the giant mushrooms in the backyard before Annabelle ate them. I say Annabelle because she is the only one curious enough to do that. She sees invisible objects as it is so we don’t need to add pink elephants to that. On Monday Big Boy was mowing the backyard (Finally!) when he came to the door and told me to not let Annabelle inside. My first thought was that she found the injured bird she had been chasing on Saturday. So, I hesitantly asked which dead thing had she rolled in. Turns out she found the mushrooms. She rolled in the mushrooms. Apparently, the mushrooms were juicy! Big Boy tried wiping here with a wet towel, to no avail. Then, I jokingly suggested we use baking soda. Next thing I know, Big Boy has the box of Arm & Hammer and is pouring it on her back –her wet back. Yes, it made paste! She hung out in the laundry room all night and by morning she smelled a little less like cabbage and body odor and more like death. We didn’t bathe her because she is not the most pleasant dog to bathe. She kicks, she growls, she pushes all her weight into her shoulders and won’t budge. We pay people to torture her instead. But, she had just been to the groomer! I had paid them $75 to accidentally give her this sporty haircut. Now she just has a little after smell. You don’t really notice her stink until you have walked by. It doesn’t linger much but does sort of resemble cr0tch rot. Here is the kicker – the in-laws are coming tomorrow. Yep, my dog smells like old lady cr0tch and the in-laws come tomorrow.

Now, let me top off my week. Today Calvin was outside and Annabelle in when I noticed she was very worked up. I assumed that there were people in the back since school has just started and the lunch people like to smoke by our fence (lovely I know!). NOPE! The injured bird was back and Calvin was a determined Chow Pei. Just as I headed out the door he lunged for the bird and picked it up in one swoop. *sigh* At least he spit out the feathers before coming in. Now no one is allowed in the backyard until Big Boy gets home to do his manly duty of throwing the critter over the fence. Several years ago we determined that Calvin was the Ted Bundy of dogs - he looks nice, he plays well with people, he convinces you that he is cute and sweet but deep down inside he is a serial killer. Annabelle is Rosie ODonnell and Baxter is Jessica Simpson. They need no further explanation.

And now, as I sit here typing this, a man rode past on his bicycle wearing nothing but a Speedo that he outgrew 20 years ago. All this time of hearing about our city's crack problem and I thought they were referring to drugs. Oh, wait, he was wearing his helmet. Yep, gotta protect that brain.

My Tomato doesn’t smell much better than my dog. I swear this thing fit the first time I tried it on. I think part of it is the yarn. I am using Sonata, a yarn I don’t really care for. I suspect part of the fit issue is that I didn’t knit loose enough in the Fair Isle portion. I thought I had, but last night that band was really tight. My SIL is much smaller than I so I think this will be a gift for her. It is so cute though that I will probably make another one for myself in a different yarn. Maybe the Cotton Fleece (but in colors that won’t run!).

Labels: ,